


Punday Blues

by bob2ff



Series: Seirin Shenanigans [6]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Bad Puns, Gen, Humor, Puns & Word Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-19
Updated: 2014-04-19
Packaged: 2018-01-19 09:26:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1464229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bob2ff/pseuds/bob2ff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Izuki has an existential crisis. He goes around for help.</p><p>Warning: Chockful of potentially cringe-worthy puns.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Punday Blues

**Author's Note:**

> Written for BPS' Challenge 66 (Puns).
> 
> Note: This was another ‘pun’ one to write. I apologize if the puns were too much, but this just sPUN out of control! I had no comPUNction about PUNcturing this with puns.

When Izuki woke up that Monday  _morning_ , he somehow felt that he was in  _mourning_ , and not even thinking of that pun had made him feel better. It was  _wear_ yingly  _weir_ d.

As he ate breakfast, his  _mor_ ose mood became  _mor_ e de _mor_ alized. His sister had been so stressed about her classes that day she had failed to laugh at his “maybe we should become vegetarian to make ends  _meat_ ” joke.

It had made Izuki feel worse, because he always felt des _pun_ dent when he could not start his day  _pun_ ctuated with an uproarious  _pun_.

When he reached school that day, he went straight to Hyuuga. His captain would  _lead_  him out of this  _lead_ en feeling he was having, he was sure of it.

“Hyuuga!” he said, frantically grabbing his shoulders and shaking him. “I’m  _teem_ ing with doubts about my role in the  _team_!”

Hyuuga frowned. “What the hell?” he said. “What’s wrong with you today?”

Izuki hung his head. “I woke up today and felt happy that we’re achieving so much with the team. But then I wondered, sure, I’m a  _point_  guard in Seirin. But what other  _point_  do I have?”

Hyuuga just stared at him as he continued sadly. “We have Kagami and Kuroko, all-star rookies. And we have you, our clutch captain. We have Kiyoshi, the Uncrowned King. But what about me? What  _role_  should I  _roll_  with in the team?”

“What the hell, are you suddenly having an existential crisis or something?” Hyuuga demanded.

Izuki slammed a fist on his palm. “That’s it! I know that puns are my  _Nietzche_! But what is my  _niche_  in the team?”

Before Hyuuga could finally  _pun_ ish him for all his  _puns_ , Izuki continued, his head hanging down again. “I feel so  _pun_ ted around I don’t even feel like  _pun_ tifying anymore today.”

Hyuuga exasperatedly thought, then  _why are you still punning_? But Izuki looked so down he felt sorry for the guy.

He clapped him on the back. “It’s ridiculous that you’re feeling like this. We’re all part of a team, aren’t we? We all grew and trained together. You’re our point guard, and your Eagle Eye has helped us out in many situations.”

Izuki looked unconvinced. “I know I’m  _Shun_ , and I  _Shun_ 't be thinking this way.” (Hyuuga gritted his teeth as he prayed for patience.) “But I’m  _ques_ tioning who I am so much that I need to  _quest_  after the answers I need!”

Hyuuga had enough. “Okay, just come to team practice today. We’ll convince you you’re being more ridiculous than usual.” He left Izuki standing there.

Izuki stared after him. “Was it something I said?” he wondered.

***

Izuki was feeling so lost that day, he decided to skip having lunch at his school and go out instead.

As he walked towards the convenience store, he  _peek_ ed in and his curiosity was  _piqued_  as he saw Midorima and Takao.

“Shuutoku’s  _light_  and  _shadow_! I’m  _delighted_  to see you here,” Izuki waved at them, cheering up slightly at his accomplishment. Two puns in one  _go_ , this was  _go_ ld!

Midorima sniffed. “Hello, Seirin’s point guard. Please do not accuse us arbitrarily. We have legitimate reasons for being here.” But he still extended a hand to shake Izuki’s.

Takao smiled cheerily as he waved at him. “Hi Izuki-senpai! Shin-chan here just  _had_  to get a purple ballpoint pen because it was his lucky item for the day.”

Izuki smiled back. “I’m glad you  _Shuu_ toku guys did not  _shoo_  me away! I’m here to get lunch. But is there a  _point_  to getting a ball _point_  pen all the way here?”

Midorima stiffened. “I don’t have to explain my reasons for being here. We just happened to be in the area.”

Takao smirked and slung an arm around Midorima. “Shin-chan wants to drop by later and invite you guys for a practice match with Shuutoku next week! He’s just too shy to say so.”

Midorima flung his arm off. He pushed his glasses up. “Shut up, Takao.” He turned to Izuki and said, formally and stiffly as ever, “Otsubo-senpai told me to invite you. It is just procedural.”

“ _Sweet_ , the practice match will be included in our training  _suite_  for next week,” Izuki said excitedly. Takao suddenly frowned at him, his eyes sharpening.

“Are you okay? Why are you all alone?” he looked around. “Where is the rest of Seirin?”

Izuki patted him on the shoulder. “As expected of my rival in position and owner of the  _Hawk_  Eye!” Then he sighed. “It’s kind of  _hawk_ ward to tell you guys, but I’m feeling  _blue_  today because I realized that I  _blew_  it with my role on the team. I don’t know what my role is with them.”

Takao winked and elbowed him. “You mean, the  _matter_  with you is that you’re feeling  _meta_  about your role in the team?” Izuki brightened. “Good one, Takao-kun!” he said, elbowing him back as they both sniggered.

They were both brought back to focus when Midorima slammed Takao on the head. “Not you, too,” he snapped. Then he turned to Izuki. “What’s your sign?”

Izuki smiled cheekily despite himself. “A  _pick up_  line from Midorima-kun? Now that’s a  _pick me up_!” Midorima flushed red, pushing up his glasses as Takao doubled over laughing loudly.

“Shut up!” Midorima said. “You will understand once you tell me the information.” Izuki patted him reassuringly. “Yes, yes. I’m a Scorpio.”

Midorima nodded. “Just like Takao. Your lucky item for today is herbal tea, and your lucky colour is navy.” He put a teabag in Izuki’s hand. “Perhaps this will show you some guidance.”

Izuki smiled. “I hope that’s a guaran _tea_! I would like to solve this existential crisis by today. I’m more point  _guard_  than Kierke _gaard_ , after all.”

Midorima added, pushing his glasses up. “I think it’s worth noting also that every member of the team is important.” He looked away, avoiding Izuki’s gaze.

“I…might not have realized this in the past, but being part of Shuutoku and seeing how everyone works hard together…” Midorima trailed off. Then he pushed his glasses up again and continued. “It’s hard for me to believe that any one member can be useless.”

After a short beat of silence, Takao broke the awed atmosphere by sniffling loudly and theatrically. “Shin-chan has grown so much! I’m so proud of you.”

He turned at Izuki. “He’s right, though. Everyone works hard in some way to contribute to the team. And you’re an  _excellent_  point guard,” he said, winking at him.

Izuki smiled and waved cheerily at them as they left. “I feel now that my di _lem_ ma was more of a di _lame_ a now,” he said to himself, comforted.

***

“Izuki-senpai!” Kagami yelled, his face slightly red as Izuki entered the locker room for their team meeting. “I have something to say!”

“Huh?” Izuki stared. All of Seirin were in a row standing in front of him. Hyuuga rubbed a hand on the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Er, yeah Izuki, shut up for once and listen to all of us first alright?” he said. “Kagami, begin!”

“Playing basket _ball_  with you is always a  _ball_!” Kagami declared, face red.

“I apologize for Kagami-kun’s bad pun. That was the best he could come up with after an entire day working on it,” Kuroko said beside him.

Kagami made to whack him, but then Kuroko continued. “Izuki-senpai, I would be more  _off hands_ than  _offense_  with the ball if it weren’t for you.”

Kagami elbowed him. “How is that any better than mine?!” Hyuuga slammed both of them on the heads. “Shut up and let Koganei continue!”

Koganei gave a thumbs up at Izuki. “Izuki! With your awesome  _sight_ , our teamplay will always be  _psyched_!”

Even Mitobe was holding a basketball wrapped in scarves. “It’s a  _layup_ , get it? A  _layer-up_!” Koganei explained excitedly.

Kiyoshi beamed next to him. “You  _court_  the points every time you’re on  _court_!”

Riko smiled. “Your targeted  _pass_  makes our opponents go into im _pass_ e!”

Finally, Hyuuga said, clapping him on the shoulder, “You’re our  _point_  guard, so you can never be  _point_ less.”

Izuki’s eyes were shining. “This gives me so much  _thrills_  I could do more  _drills_  today!” he said, beaming at all of them.

Riko bonked him on the head. “This is  _not_  an encouragement of your puns. We’re just showing our appreciation for you. And how important you are to Seirin.”

Hyuuga groaned next to her, slumping. “I actually think I have had enough of puns for the  _rest of my life_ ,” he gritted out.

Izuki smiled at him. “But Hyuuga, you  _pun_ ned with such  _pun_ nache!”

Hyuuga made a fist and advanced threateningly, but then Izuki said, “Are you sure you want to  _pun_ ch me for the  _puns_?”

They all groaned. Izuki just smiled. He might not be the  _ace_  of the team, but he felt that he had definitely found a pl _ace_  to belong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: All lucky items mentioned are real, based off the [Oha Asa translation site](http://oha--asa.tumblr.com/).


	2. Punday HapPUNnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seirin undergoes their worst trial yet: coming up with puns. Behind the scenes of Punday Blues.

“Guys, emergency team meeting! We have an Izuki situa _Shun_ ,” Hyuuga declared.

“Whoa, if  _Hyuuga_ ’s punning, this has gotta be bad,” Koganei commented cheerfully as he sat next to Mitobe.

Hyuuga reached over to whack him. “This is serious! There’s a problem with Izuki!”

Eyes sharpened menacingly, Riko said dangerously, “Hyuuga-kun, there better be a good reason why you’re pulling all of us out of lunch break to do this.” Hyuuga gulped.

“Yes, it is!” he said frantically. “Izuki came up to me this morning and was all over the place! I don’t really understand his problem, but I think he’s feeling underappreciated in the team or something.”

Kiyoshi looked distraught. “What? That can’t be! We need to throw him a huge appreciation party and tell him how special he is to us! We cannot lose our precious point guard!”

Hyuuga shut him down. “No, I don’t think we need something that drastic. Team, brainstorming session! What should we do to cheer Izuki up?”

Koganei piped up. “We could buy him new basketball shoes. Or a new joke book!” Mitobe nodded encouragingly next to him.

Hyuuga shook his head. “Not bad, but we’re dead broke. Izuki’s the treasurer, even he knows this, so he wouldn’t accept us buying things for him.”

“We should get him a pet eagle! Because of his Eagle Eye,” Kiyoshi exclaimed excitedly. Hyuuga just stared at him. Thankfully, Riko bonked him on the head for him.

“Teppei, that’s ridiculous. Where would we even  _get_  an eagle?” she said impatiently. Then she became unexpectedly girly, smiling sweetly. “Why don’t I cook for him? I’m sure a gesture like that will be appreciated.”

Hyuuga shook his head, way too quickly for Riko’s liking. “That’s okay…but what about something the whole team could do?” Privately, he felt Izuki owed him  _big time_  for practically saving his life this once.

Kuroko helpfully added, “Izuki-senpai likes puns, right? Why don’t we all come up with puns showing our appreciation?” The whole team groaned as one.

Kagami slammed a hand on Kuroko’s head. “Do you  _want_  to make puns or something, idiot? Having Izuki-senpai saying them all the time is bad enough!”

But then Riko cut in. “You know what, that’s actually a good idea. It takes no money, and Izuki-kun would definitely appreciate it.”

Hyuuga slammed the locker room door shut. It locked with an ominous click. “It’s decided! I don’t like puns either, but Riko’s right. Every person in this room must come up with a pun appreciating Izuki.”

Beside him, Riko’s eyes gleamed sinisterly as she added,“Or you  _can’t get out._ ”

The team gulped as one.

***  
“Argh, this is  _soooo_  hard!” Kagami yelled, rubbing his head vigorously. Riko had left earlier, having come up with a pun within 10 minutes. She cited that she had classes, and left with a cheery, “Hyuuga-kun will stay here and make sure the puns are up to par!” Hyuuga had just stared after her in dread.

“Hyuuga-senpai, are you sure it’s alright for us to miss class like this?” Kuroko asked politely. He was surrounded with a mountain of crumpled paper.

Kagami eagerly joined in. “Yeah, I have Japanese History later — didn’t you say I needed to do well in the next exams?”

Hyuuga, already high-strung from his own effort to think of puns, jumped on the opportunity to relieve his stress on unfortunate first-years. He whacked Kagami and Kuroko on their heads, hard. “You are all staying here until you come up with a pun each, classes or not!”

Koganei was planted face down on the locker room floor. “I can’t do this…I keep running over words in my head, but all I can think of is ‘You’re un _match_ ed in our basketball  _match_ es!’ Can’t that be good enough, Hyuuga?” he whined.

Hyuuga barked, “That can be your backup! Come up with a better one!” He turned to Mitobe. “How’re the visual puns coming along, Mitobe?”

Mitobe was surrounded by random items. Hyuuga picked up a stuffed soft toy chicken and stared at it. It had a clumsily cut gold star stuck on its wing. “What is this supposed to be?”

Koganei raised his head. “Oh, good one Mitobe! The bird’s  _win_ g is  _win_ ning, get it? Our team  _win_ gs because of Izuki’s  _Eagle_  Eye!” Mitobe smiled, nodding beside him.

Hyuuga threw the chicken at them. It bounced off Koganei’s head. “Not good enough! It’s not even an eagle, it’s a chicken!” He picked up a single basketball shoe. “I’m not sure I want to know what this is doing here…”

“That’s Izuki’s amazing  _feet_  of accomplishment! You know, because of his  _feats_  in basketball!” Koganei explained.

Hyuuga just dropped the shoe and hung his head. “Try again…”

“This is pure torture…” Kagami groaned to Kuroko. “Hey, Kuroko, you read a lot right? You should be good at wordplay! Help me think of one as well?”

Kuroko just stared flatly at him. “No, Kagami-kun. It wouldn’t be res _pun_ sible of me to help you cheat.”

Kagami menacingly advanced on him. Koganei lolled bonelessly to the side, having given up on thinking of more Izuki compliments, and watched amusedly. “I guess this is a  _pun_ -on- _pun_?”

Hyuuga whacked the three of them on the head. “Everyone back to focus! We need to each think of one by our team meeting today.”

Kiyoshi beamed and looked up from where he had been sitting cross-legged, eyes closed. “Everyone should try meditating. It really works, I’ve thought of one already!” Everyone looked at him expectantly.

“Izuki, your word _play_  is as good as your team _play_!” he said brightly. Hyuuga facepalmed and gritted out, “That’s not a pun, it’s just the same word used differently!”

Kiyoshi was unperturbed, smiling. “Then what about ‘The spotlight has always  _Shun_  on you on court’?” Hyuuga just groaned.

Then Koganei pointed at him accusingly. “Have  _you_  thought of one, Hyuuga?” Koganei asked.

Hyuuga stiffened. “I’ll think of one once you guys are all done!”

Kagami yelled in frustration, “It’s Kuroko’s fault I can’t think right now!”

Kuroko just said, “It’s not my fault you have trouble thinking generally, Kagami-kun.”

As Kagami began to scuffle with Kuroko, Koganei was putting his fingers in his ears and singing to himself. Mitobe just stared blankly at the discarded chicken, while Kiyoshi was humming, back in his meditation.

And Hyuuga had enough. He yelled, “Alright! Everyone shut up!” They all stared at him, Kuroko frozen in Kagami’s headlock.

“Everyone come up with a pun about Izuki in the next fifteen minutes, in  _silence_ , or I will tell Riko that you need special personalized training  _and_  a personalized diet plan,” he threatened.

It worked like a charm. Despite Koganei’s wail that this was  _pun_ itentiary, one by one, they all came up with one that satisfied Hyuuga’s admittedly low standards.

As they left one by one, finally Kagami was the only one left. Hyuuga sighed as he looked at him. “Kagami, you’re hopeless.”

“Argh, I’m not good at wordplay!” Kagami cried. “I’m not even good at languages, damnit!”

Hyuuga rolled his eyes. “Well, I’m done here, so I’m going to leave now. If you don’t think of any puns by today’s team meeting, you know what’s in store for you.” With that ominous message, he left.

Kagami sighed a deep sigh. It echoed in the empty room. Suddenly, “Kagami-kun, you’re worse at this than I thought.”

Kagami yelled in shock. “You’re still here?!” Kuroko just shoved a book in his face. “I did leave, but then I came back. Here, a joke book. I got it from the library just now. Maybe you can find something in there that will help.”

And he stayed with Kagami as Kagami wracked his brains. For the next two hours.

When Kagami finally came up with one that was somewhat acceptable, he yelled, “Yes, I did it!”

Kuroko just said, “Don’t get  _pun_ pous, Kagami-kun.” But then he smiled and said, “It was a valiant effort. Job well  _punned_.”


End file.
